It was one hell of a week, but I did it. I hung in there; I refused to give up even when my body kept reminding me that my 43rd birthday is only weeks away. I friggin’ did it! And not only did I do it, but I had the time of my life and made some great friends along the way.
Tonight we worked on endurance, but before we could begin the drills we had to learn the “rock star fall.” If done incorrectly it hurts like hell. Guess what? I did it incorrectly. My right knee is bruised like hell and is beginning to swell. Thank goodness I work at a physical therapy facility. I am going to have this bad boy looked at first thing in the morning.
The endurance drills combined the basics we learned this week with continuous skating. The vets would shout out a drill, for example, “derby stance!”, and we would have to get as low as we could and self propel until they gave another command. All the while trying to remember everything we have learned. I felt a bit schizophrenic as I tried to listen for instruction and my head kept playing a loop of, “shoulders over knees over balls of feet.” At one point Felony Melanie shouted, “Trust your stance and trust your falls!” The tumblers clicked. With that one sentence, I was finally able to kick my fear to the curb.
At the end of the evening they set the newbies up into formation for a jam. Felony Melanie tells me to take the position of jammer. The whistle blows and the pivots set the pace. The second whistle blows and I take off. With my fear gone, I get down and I just skate. We didn’t actually fight through the pack, we were instructed to go around. I work my way around the pack and the ref blows her whistle points at me and screams, “Lead jammer!” I skate with everything I have left, which is not a much at this point. I could hear everyone cheering and I skate until I hear the four whistles marking the end of the jam.
Now I know if any of the vets read this, they will probably laugh their asses off. But that one moment marked a milestone for me. I accomplished everything I wanted, and I did indeed find out exactly the stuff of which I am made. This week I was a Roller Girl. One, two, three, “Raise Hell!” Tomorrow, we party!
I am sad to report that we have a Roller Girl down. My gal pal and fellow boot camper, Candice, sustained an injury last night that will most likely prevent her from finishing out the week. She fell and re-injured her tailbone and tells me that she is in a great deal of pain. I actually injured my tailbone skating at my daughter’s 4th birthday party, and I know just how bad that hurts. Of course in my case, I was taken out by a four year old, and I never saw her coming! My good friend Gary reminded me of that before I signed up for Roller Girl Boot Camp. That and the fact that right before I wiped out, I had made some smart-ass comment about living on the edge and if you aren’t then you are taking up too much space. My quips are always poorly timed.
My legs worked today, they just didn’t work the way they normally do. I had this gait that must have made me look somewhat like a cross between a penguin and an ostrich. I had to almost rock side to side to get momentum to make myself go forward (penguin), but not wanting to snap a heel on my shoes, I had to kick my leg forward to make it land flat in from of me (ostrich). So I’m sure that my strut partnered with the grimace of pain made onlookers wonder if I really did have something up my butt. That or they thought I was doing an amazing impression of Huggy Bear. For you younger folks that don’t get this reference, ask your parents.
We have the night off from practice, and I actually need the night off. Probably not half as much as the vets do, God bless their patience. Tomorrow night we will be working on endurance and that will be another challenge for me. Just as with drinking, I will need to remind myself that it is a marathon and not a sprint. Although, my lack of speed might actually work to my advantage! I probably look like the people I used to see on the ski slopes that would scream, “Go for it!” and then snow plow down the mountain at 2 mph. They annoyed the hell out of me. Oh no, now I’m the slow broad in front of the fast chicks!
I sure hope Candice feels better and that she is able make it tomorrow night. Having a girlfriend along on this adventure sure has been fantastic.
Now those of you who know and love me may find this hard to believe, but apparently my biggest problem tonight was keeping my boobs out and my butt down. That’s right, you read correctly. Now, I don’t know why when I put on skates, these two things become issues. I have always been quite proud of my rack and stick the twins out as far in front of me as they will go without looking like I am deformed. And I have never had a problem with my butt being down (at least not since my 30th birthday and that was well over 10 years ago). After hearing, “boobs out, butt down!” on numerous occasions, I started looking around for Ron Jeremy. Certainly they had to be preparing me something other than skating.
Tonight I am so sore that my hair actually hurts. And since we worked on propelling ourselves using only our leg muscles, I fully expect for my legs to tell me to go to hell and refuse to work in the morning. My breakfast meeting scheduled for tomorrow at 8:00 a.m. should be interesting. I am hoping that my arms will work well enough to use a fork, if not, no worries, I’ll just lick the plate.
Tonight didn’t go so well for me; no matter how hard I tried I came up short. There were no half-gainers to speak of, but that at least would have been something. The vets kept saying they have been where we are in the learning process, but to see these women go, I don’t know if I buy it. They are nothing short of spectacular. It’s kind of like your mom telling you that you are pretty. She has to, she’s your mom! I am hoping for a much more productive session on Thursday, but I am now starting to realize that jeerleading is probably a much more likely path for me to take. The good news there… bad ass clothes and roller derby name… hell yeah, sign me up!
So I’ll be honest. I busted my ass so bad tonight that I may not be able to sit for week. The good news is my ego was actually hurt more than my ass. But the bruise that will most likely appear in the next 48 hours should be quite impressive! I would love to post a picture of it in all its glory; however, I just can’t stand the thought of subjecting anyone to my cellulite. I did mention this was a mid-life crisis right? No 20 year old legs and hips to show off here! Therefore, you will just have to use your imagination when I describe the gorgeous hues it reveals and the pain it will undoubtedly bring me.
The reactions I got from my friends, family and colleagues today, was actually funnier than the half-gainer I pulled off in front of a room full of people I have only recently met. Let’s see, my husband started a recovery fund on his Face Book Page, my boss, a physical therapist, made a point to tell me that I do receive a healthy discount on any rehab I may need. And finally, my best friend from Nashville (where I lived up until a year ago), pretty much shut down a recording session with the news of my attending Roller Girl Boot Camp. I guess everyone was too busy laughing at the thought of my mixing it up with the Savannah Derby Devils to worry about the silly little album they were trying to record. I have a feeling that when I return to Nashville next month to play in the Music Row Ladies Golf Tournament, that I will be of legend status and have to tell of my experience over and over again. Trust me, after I follow the Bloody Mary cart around for 3 or 9 holes, the story will grow and may even include a blood transfusion.
I am happy to report that I did survive the first night in skates! I learned to fall properly, with the exception of that half-gainer thingy. I learned a t-stop, the derby stance and the proper stride. Hell, people, I even did a cross over going into a turn. If you don’t believe me, ask Eva Lyn Twisted… she witnessed the glorious moment!
At this point I don’t know if I will be able to walk in the morning, but if I can, and I can also manage to bend at the waste enough to tie the skates, you better believe that I will be back tomorrow night. I cannot remember the last time I had this much fun or met so many great folks! One, two three, “RAISE HELL!”
I knew a very long time ago that I would not be the kind of woman who would grow old gracefully, boy was I right! Have I opted to have a little nip/tuck? No way! I have never had the desire to walk around looking as if I have just been startled. Have I decided to take a much younger man as a love interest? Not this broad. I am way too tired and way too busy. How then, you ask, have I decided to spend my mid-life crisis? I have decided to strap on a pair of skates and go to roller girl boot camp. That’s right, roller girl boot camp.
For the next week I will be spending my evenings with ladies who have names like Demon Child, Eva Lyn Twisted and Fear Abby. I will attempt to learn the basics of skating that will make me safe to skate with in a bout. If successful, I could be invited to join them in practice and try out for the team in July. In my mind’s eye I could just see myself going around the ring in those bad-ass clothes, complete with fishnets, and my intimidating Roller Girl name emblazoned on the back of my tank top. Just as I was beginning to hear the roar of the crowd in my head, I was suddenly snapped back to reality. Did Felony Melanie just say there will be paramedics at each session? And that raises the question, why did they ask to see my insurance card? My girlfriend Candice turned and looked at me, and I think she too was wondering, just what the hell were we thinking.
Just as my fear began to get the best of me, the ladies treated us to a demonstration of a Jam. A bout is made up of jams that can last up to 2 minutes and the jammer attempts to pass the blockers. The jammer who has passed the most blockers wins the jam. I don’t think any description I could give would do these amazing women justice. You just have to see it for yourself. The strength, the grace and the brutality you know they are capable of. These chicks are cool! And guess what? I want to be one of them!
I don’t know if I will succeed, or even survive what the Savannah Derby Devils have in store for me this week. But I am eager to find out what exactly I am made of, and if I am deserving of those fishnets! As a dear friend tells me, “In the end, it’s all about the story you have to tell.” I just hope this week’s story doesn’t end in the emergency room.
I love the little shops in City Market and one of my favorites is Time After Time. This place is handbag heaven! I actually find my heart racing faster when I see at all the bright, colorful bags on display. Then my daughter brings me back to reality by reminding me that I have promised to curb my purse buying.
This week as I was walking by, I glanced in the window and spotted a stylish hard case wallet. It was a fabulous faux snake skin little number in the prettiest shades of purple and gray. I had to have it! To my delight, it was 25% off the regular price of $24.00. That’s only $18.00. I would simply cut out my lattes for the week, and that would cover the cost. There, crisis averted! I have it on good authority that this sale will last through the summer months, so get to Time After Time and grab one, or at this price, two. I absolutely love the ones with the tattoo inspired artwork.
Another summer must-have they carry in abundance is the light-weight scarf. You can’t pick up a fashion magazine or tabloid right now without spotting pictures of starlets and celebutants draped in these gauzy accessories. Pair one that has been dip-dyed in a bright hue with a white t-shirt and throw on a pair of jeans that you have cuffed at the bottom, to show off your gladiator sandals, and you are good to go. Right now they are on sale for $14.99.
I was actually able to resist the urge to go back inside and buy a scarf. This was only because I have a drawer full at home. But, with that, I was able to walk back to my car so very proud of my self-control.
Let’s face it… the money issues we are all facing right now are cramping the style of our inner Carrie Bradshaw. Gone are the days of the impulse purchase of the perfect LBD – with no particular place to be seen.
I am still a newbie in Savannah, so the fabulous and frugal find in City Market still fills me with the joy of a nine year old seeing Barbie’s Dream House under the tree on Christmas morning. Yes Virginia, it is possible to look fabulous and still afford to put food on the table.
This blog is meant to inspire the Budget Fashionita in everyone who stops by for a glance. I will share every juicy morsel I find out in the trenches of Broughton Street and beyond.